Nigel Terrorizes A Whole House

(Aw, look how cute and harmless Nigel looks. Don't be fooled. He is very harmful)

Well Nigel is at it again. He woke me up at 3 am the night before last either because he wanted to play or he wanted food. I am trying to "get tough" with Nigel so I have placed a squirt bottle filled with water next to my bed. I also got a night light because I realized that our room was too dark for me to squirt him in the middle of the night with any accuracy. The plan is to squirt
Nigel with the water anytime he wakes us up before 7 am. It's not going well.

The first problem with my new "Get Tough Plan" is that while Nigel doesn't really like getting squirted with water he doesn't seem to mind all that much either. In other words squirting him isn't the disincentive you would think it would be. In fact, I think he thinks the squirt bottle is a game because now whenever he decides to wake me he makes some noise and immediately sprints out the door before I can squirt him. I must admit my aim isn't that great when I first wake up either.

Another problem is that Nigel is very resilient. One morning I actually managed to squirt him right in the chest with the water bottle and he left the room. I thought he had finally learned his lesson and would spend the rest of the morning cowering in fear of the squirt bottle. Just as I was drifting off to sleep while basking in the glow of my perceived dominance over this 10-pound demon, he came back and with a vengance. He clawed the soles of my feet and made so much noise that I had no choice but to get up and feed him to make him go away.

The third problem is that Nigel has figured out that no matter what I do to him, if he just keeps harassing me I will eventually get up. What pisses me off is that he doesn't necessarily eat the food when I get up and feed him! I think the little bastard just doesn't want anyone else to sleep when he isn't sleeping. It's just plain mean.

This morning at about 3 am when Nigel decided I should wake up I just stormed upstairs to the guest bedroom to try to sleep there. I did not stop on the way and feed him either. I must not have shut the door all the way because I woke up 3 hours later to find Nigel sleeping peacefully on my legs. When he is asleep he looks so precious and sweet that no one could wish him any harm. And that is part of his overall evilness. You get sucked in to this feeling of affection for him and then when you are minding your own business (sleeping) he does something mean.

I don't know what to do. I just want to get a good night's sleep for once. We can't lock him out of the bedroom because (a) his litterbox is in our bathroom, and (b) we tried it one time and he literally ripped up the carpet under the door when he tried to dig his way in. I recall when Nigel came into our lives, he was this adorable little lost kitten and we wanted to give him the best of everything. Now I think he was like a little demon who was sent to us from Hell to ingratiate himself into our lives and then wreak havoc and make unreasonable demands.

Oh, and did I mention that when he wants to he can scare both of our dogs with his meanness and wayward claws.

Look how cute he was at 7 weeks old....who could say no to that little guy?