If I Was A Pageant Queen . . .

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Valentine's Day has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but since it is in fact Valentine's Day I felt it would be an huge omission if I did not mention it.

So back to the topic at hand - if I was a pageant queen. My fabulous friend Liz and I and two other fabulous friends Whitney & Jessica went to this women's networking event (even though there were also men at the event - whats up Scotty) last night. I attended the event wearing glorified work out clothes and needless to say, most (all) other attendees were dressed much nicer than I. In fact there were even some pageant queens there - I think they were kind of obscure ones like Miss. Sulfer Springs and Ms. 7/11 on the corner of Bee Caves and 360, but it got me thinking, what could I be the pageant queen of?

Here are some ideas:

Ms. Pufatufnik - Ms., because it's no one's business if I'm a married crack whore or not. We would compete in categories like, Trampy Evening Wear and Stealing Wallets. I figure there aren't many Pufatufniks who can string 7 words together to make a sentence, so I'd kill in the Convince a Cop to Let You Go category.

Miss. Owner of the Worst Dog 2007 - Perhaps you've seen my post on Molly who on this very cold day in Austin, Texas is making me keep the back door open so that she can go in and out when ever she pleases. I'm wearing 5 layers of clothes to stay warm.

Miss. Crazy Christmas - I absolutely love Christmas, but I'm also a little lazy - I still have Christmas decorations up and for this achievement I think I could win a pageant.

Here are some of my ideas for some of my fabulous friends:

Liz - Ms. Blogger or Ms. Law and Order or Ms. Bath Song or Ms. Game Cheater (see her post from a couple of days ago). To know Liz, is to love her and she could win so many bizarre pageants.

Jessica - Miss. Make a Child Pee When You Tutor Them - this is a seriously hilarious story and very true. It sounds kinda dirty, right? - but she's actually so good at teaching - She makes children pee.

Whitney - Miss. Tell Me All Your Secrets - apparently, Whitney is told random secrets from complete strangers. She doesn't really keep it a secret for very long (she comes to tell all the other Pufatufniks), but that's not the name of the pageant, so it doesn't matter.

Hope - Miss. No Blogging, but Really Funny When I do Blog. - Hope is funny when she blogs, to bad she's only done it like 3 times in the last 2 months.

Okay, so there are some of my ideas for my own pageant career and those of some of my friends. Happy Valentine's Day to all Pufatuniks!