The Anna Nicole Smith Death/Burial/Child Paternity debacle continues. I love a media circus as much as the next paparazzi-addicted American but, even for me, this situation is unreal. Yesterday I watched part of the Florida hearing over who gets to bury Anna's body. Crazy town. Seems pretty clear to me: Anna purchased a burial plot next to the one in which her son is buried in the Bahamas so she should be buried there. But of course that is too simple and easy for all of the vultures involved in this case. This is like something out of a nightmare or a Twilight Zone episode. With that said, this case seems to be every attorney's wet dream.
In addition to the fight over her cold dead body I am equally repulsed and fascinated by the 4 or 5 way fight over the paternity of little Daniellynn. OMG, that Anna Nicole sure liked to, uh, how shall I say this delicately? She sure liked to copulate. I almost wrote "make love" but I don't think she felt love for all of the guys she apparently had sex with in January 2006. Even though she was probably completely hammered at the time I can't believe she could stand the thought of sex (or even a handshake) with a couple of the goblins who claim they could be the father. (Have you seen Zsa Zsa's husband?! His eyes look like little slits that are being eaten by caterpillars. I felt a little ill and had to stop eating my ice cream sandwich when he came on the news...yikes.)
Last night I caught part of MSNBC's Showbiz Tonight when I was flipping through the channels. I don't usually watch that particular entertainment news show but since they said they were going to talk about Anna Nicole I decided to see what they had to say. Holy guacamole. I can't believe how desperate all the "news" outlets are to talk about the Anna situation. The headline for the segment was "Is Danillynn in Danger?" They didn't specify what kind of danger that the tot might be in but they certainly seemed eager to speculate about the varying degrees of parental fitness of each of the father-candidates.
They followed up the discussion of the Danillynn Danger Level (currently TSA has set the Daniellynn Danger Level [DDL] at Orange) with a discussion of "lessons learned from Anna's life". WTF? MSNBC thinks its newsworthy to talk about the fact that consuming nothing but booze and drugs may lead to death? Be serious. Apparently the producers thought it was a crucial enough issue to bring out the big guns in the form of expert drug/alcohol/rage addict Danny Bonaduce. 
Yeah, you heard right. Danny Bonaduce, the D-lister who has recently developed an affinity for showing up to LA events shirtless, is now an expert on ways that Hollywood starlets like Paris, Lindsey, and Britney (they were mentioned specifically) can avoid Anna's fate. Danny had some keen insights including, "Someone has to care enough to intervene and stop their self destructive behavior" and "I am not surprised that Anna is dead. I am only surprised she lived as long as she did". I sure hope Danny gets his own news show because I think the whole country could use that kind of insightful wisdom. At the end of the 5 minute interview I actually felt dumber than before I watched. Also my eyes started bleeding.
The discussion of whether or not Daniellynn is in "danger" has become a staple element in nearly every story about the Anna situation. No one talks about what kind of danger the most famous baby on the planet (next to Suri and Shiloh of course) could possibly be in at this point. My guess is that she was in much more danger in Anna's womb, given the amount of methadone Anna may have taken while pregnant, than she is right now. I am pretty sure that Howard K. Stern and his family are feeding and caring for her. It wouldn't help the paternity case much if a judge sees a malnourished, bruised, or beaten child. So, my guess is that right now little Dani is about as safe as she is she is ever going to be.
Danny Bondauce did share one insight that I thought was spot on and that no one else seems to be discussing. He pointed out that if Anna's mother is given custody of the baby that it is very likely that the baby will eventually walk in Anna's footsteps and, perhaps, will meet a similar fate that her mother did. I wholeheartedly agree. Sending a baby to live with white trash in Texas is seldom a good idea unless the only alternative is sending the kid to Thailand to participate in the thriving child sex industry there.
Anna hated her mother and left home at 15 to work as a stripper. That isn't really a ringing endorsement of ole Grandma's parenting skills. I think the kid will be in more danger if she is sent to live with her relatives, many of whom have never met Anna yet have still seen fit to write tell-all books about her. The surprising part is that any of her relatives could string enough words together to form enough coherent sentences for a book. Clearly something went awry in Anna's upbringing or she wouldn't have become the uneducated, drugged up, alcoholic, geriatric-loving adult that she became.
Daniellyn isn't in danger yet but as soon as that poor kid starts to read and learns about her heritage I think she is in danger of jumping off a bridge. Or ODing. Right now she is probably a normal baby with no understanding of the crazy world into which she was born. I just hope that once the dust settles she is placed in a home with a loving, non-media-whore, non-drug-using parent who loves her and will provide an education for her. Maybe then she will have a chance. Nah, that won't happen. Stay tuned in 20 years...history, sadly, is destined to repeat itself.
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