Oh Yeah, I Like This Idea

Apparently the show The Simple Life just signed Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton to a 5th season. The theme of the 5th season will be Paris and Nicole working at a "fat camp" and teaching people about fitness and a healthy lifestyle. Are you shitting me?

Wow. There are so many things wrong with this scenario that I just don't know where to start. I always thought that a healthy lifestyle included a good diet, exercise, moderate (if any) alcohol intake, no narcotics, and balanced relationships with friends and family. So either I misunderstood the whole definition of the word "healthy" or the network idiots are going to let two of the least healthy people on the planet attempt to teach people how to live healthy. Does that make any sense to you?

Lets review what these two retards are known for:

Paris

Use of illegal drugs
Sex with many random partners - she is rumored to have herpes
Sex tapes of her and a partner sold on the internet
Drinking alcohol (possibly to excess)
Volatile relationships with "friends"
Racism and general meanness
Possibly anorexic
Stays out all night nearly every night
Does not have a job
Didn't finish high school
Didn't pay her bills and, as a consequence, her personal belonging sold on internet
DUI
Doesn't wear underwear

Nicole

Admitted to eating disorders (anorexia,bulimia)
Smokes
In and out of rehab for (among other things) heroin. Currently clean.
Alcoholism
Does not exercise
Multiple DUIs
Dropped out of college after 1 semester
Volatile relationships

Wow. With credentials like theirs maybe Paris and Nicole should be teaching something other than "healthy lifestyles". Hmm....I wonder what these two geniuses are qualified to teach?

Well, based upon their "resumes" here are a few ideas for classes they could teach at a local community college or juvenile detention facility:

How to ensure the paparazzi gets a photo of your naked crotch.

How to get into nightclubs when you are underage.

How to procure large quantities of heroin or coke for you and your friends without getting busted.

Getting off of a DUI 101.

How to produce, distribute, and profit from your own home sex tapes.

Making a scene in public 101.

I am sure these two girls are qualified to teach some other stuff but we need these two influencing kids like we need to see the return of fire breathing dragons.