Amusing Thought For The Weekend: Stupidity

Thought For The Day: Indifference

Amusing Thought For The Day: Madness

Thought For The Day: Mediocrity

Amusing Thought For The Day: Hazards

Wishes

Stephanie and I were both really busy with work today so we didn't have time to come up with any thoughts of our own. So try this on for size.

What is Wrong With Ann Coulter?

Ann Coulter's most recent obnoxious and bigoted remarks shouldn't really be a surprise given her history of obnoxious and bigoted statements. However, this time she really looks like an ass because the object of her ire, John Edwards, is going to be able to raise money from indignant liberals, gays, and humanoids who are offended by her vituperative comments. What a moron.

In fact, Ms. Coulter wins the Moron of The Week Award which, as many of you know, I don't usually like to hand out on Monday. Normally I would prefer to wait until at least Friday so I can hear what Paris, Lindsey, and Britney have been doing all week and distribute the award appropriately. But it's difficult to imagine that anyone (now that Anna Nicole is gone, God rest her soul) could do anything more offensive that Ann did when she called John Edwards a faggot on TV. Maybe she lacks both common sense and a publicist.

Also, who does her hair? I mean being a homophobe is tough if you want to get a decent cut and color job. Maybe that is why she keeps her hair all one length - so she can just trim the ends herself. With a mouth like hers she would wind up with the "Britney" haircut if she ever went into a salon.

One thing is for sure, she has a huge adams apple and from some of the photos I've seen of her I think there is a good chance she's a tranny. Crying Game anyone?

An Inconvenient Hypocrisy

The Tennessee Center for Policy Research says that Al Gore, who won an Academy Award last weekend for his film about global warming and the importance of energy conservation, uses 20 times the national average to power his Nashville mansion. What's more, his use has increased since the release of "An Inconvenient Truth"

The Center says:

Gore’s mansion consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES). The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh—more than 20 times the national average.

Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh—guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore’s average monthly electric bill topped $1,359.

Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore’s energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200 kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400 kWh per month in 2006. Gore’s extravagant energy use does not stop at his electric bill. Natural gas bills for Gore’s mansion and guest house averaged $1,080 per month last year … In total, Gore paid nearly $30,000 in combined electricity and natural gas bills for his Nashville estate in 2006.

I don't have any particular problem with Al Gore. He seems like a well meaning guy who is concerned about the earth and about potentially lewd rock music lyrics. But when you hold yourself up as an expert/zealot about an issue you have to expect to receive some extra public scrutiny. As Rush Limbaugh discovered when he got busted with a bunch of illegal prescription meds.

If the earth is really in so much danger from fossil fuel emissions then why isn't Gore walking the talk? Why are we supposed to ride bicycles instead of cars when he burns gas by the truckload when he flies around in his private jet? Is he a hypocrite? Or maybe global warming is being exaggerated to sell movie tickets, hybrid cars, and to scare us all into living in caves? I don't know the answers to these questions, of course, but I think that Gore looks like a big goober.

And another thing: I'll bet that Gore's Prius-driving, supermodel-dating, takes-himself-too- seriously buddy, Leonardo DiCaprio, doesn't have solar panels on his Hollywood mansion. He probably doesn't even turn out the lights when he leaves the kitchen. Oh, wait, he probably doesn't even know where the kitchen is; he would have to ask his assistant to point the way. Gore, DiCaprio, and all of their rich, liberal, "environmental" Hollywood friends don't live in the real world but they like to pretend that they do when the cameras are rolling.

Amusing Thought for the Day: Incompetence

This cracks me up. It also reminds me of some people I have met over the years. They have no idea who they are of course.

Response to Comments and Talkback

For those of you who read this blog on a regular or occasional basis you may have noticed that some people comment on the posts. I am not sure if you read the comments (some are very funny) but they are my favorite thing about the blog. I thought I would take this opportunity to respond to some of the comments made on or about this blog.

We got a few more baby name suggestions for Ron & Kathleen (see Feb 12 entry) from Stephanie and Jonathan:

Stephanie writes:
Here are some of my ideas:

Pokolin (I think I already mentioned) - a beautiful combination of our last names.
Naygue - another beautiful combination of our (Liz's & Steph's) married last names.
Leenon - doesn't mean anything, but sounds kind of alien.

Jonathan proposes:

May as well prepare the kid for celebrity and pick your own combo-name! (Brangelina, Bennifer, etc.) I'd go with Rathleen or Kon myself. But you could Roth or Kathlon too.

Our February 12th blog which proposes some awesome baby names to my fabulous friends Ron & Kathleen. Ron replied:

Inventive and interesting names, all. However, even at the risk of being just a little too cute, we probably are going to continue on with our precedent of consonantal alliteration and go with Vivian. (Etymology: Latin, Meaning: Lively)
We definitely don't want one that's on to one of those stupid top ten lists. BTW - Speaking of names, WTF does pufatufniks mean?

Well I have to say that while we proposed some awesome names (my favorite is Jedi) I can see why Ron might bypass our suggestions for a more traditional name. Vivian is a lovely name and one that is less likely than Jedi, Kon, or Leenon (WTF?) to cause the child to receive beatings and ridicule in grammar school.

In response to the February 13 blog which discusses Anna Nicole Smith's death (murder?) alert reader Big Dave pointed out that:

You forgot about the AstroNut Marie Novak

Well Big Dave you are correct that I omitted the Astronut™ from the Anna Nicole murder suspect list. However I didn't forget about the nation's most recognized astronaut (could you pick any other astronaut out of a lineup?), I omitted her because she has an alibi and lacked the means and opportunity to kill the incomparable Ms. Smith. Let me explain:

Marie Novak is, as far as we know, a first-time criminal and a non-celebrity. She personally stalked her presumed romantic rival rather than outsourcing the stalking to a professional, or even to a competent amateur. On Feb 6th Ms. Novak was in the custody of the Florida police. Since that time she has either been in a Florida jail or back in Texas on a $25,000 bond with a court appointed ankle bracelet adorning her leg. Since Anna Nicole met her maker on Feb 8th, Marie couldn't have killed Anna Nicole. Further, I think that it is certain that the Astronut's™ financial resources have been frozen or are at least under scrutiny by the police. Or by her soon-to-be ex-husband who has got to be hating life these days.

How embarrassing would it be to have to admit that your wife is that mental? It's one thing to privately know that you are married to a crazy person but its another thing entirely when it becomes nationally known that she is a diaper wearing, mace carrying, romantically deluded, and socially retarded stalker. And what about her kids? Apparently she has 3 of them, all of whom should just go ahead and pick a therapist because they are going to need therapy and anti-depressants for the foreseeable future.

And finally, I was very excited about the following posts from Steve and Whitney:

Alright, I'm hooked. I've been reading the blog for a while now and have to admit I can't stop visiting. Liz!, you have a quite disturbing view of the world...keep it up.

Whitney says:

Love the blog girls! It provides me great humor at work! Wonder if Jessica has been back to HEB to visit her "friend." Hahahahha!!

We love it when people leave comments on our blog so keep on talking to us. It's always nice to know that someone besides our husbands' reads and is amused by our blog. If you want to suggest topics for us to blog about please do so...we are always open to suggestions.

In the meantime have a wonderful Valentine's Day. For those of you in Chicago I hope that you stay warm that you don't have to drive at all today. I don't miss Chicago's winters but I can't wait to get back to the city during Cubs season.

Oh also, I think Jonathan is excited about his golf trip to San Antonio with Dick, Dave, and Steve in March. Jonathan and I are going to be spending some quality time at the driving range between now and then. I am planning to drive down to San Antonio and see you guys for drinks one night while you are in the Great State of Texas. You really should plan a golf trip to Austin because this place has more than 30 golf courses in the area. Not to mention great BBQ and all the beer you can handle. Oh, did I mention all the hot young chicks that hang out at Lake Austin....

The Punk Who Plays the Drums in His Garage Down the Street from My House

My husband and I live on a relatively quiet street all things considered. There seem to be a lot of families with kids who live on our street and our neighbors tend to keep to themselves. We moved in about a year and a half ago and we have only met a handful of our neighbors which, I suppose, is fine with us. We live a pretty quiet life and keep to ourselves too so it works out OK.

We moved to Austin from Chicago and compared to the almost constant noise of a big city (sirens, loud car stereos, screaming drunks, demented raving) our neighborhood is downright sleepy. With kids living on the block there is a certain amount of noise when school lets out and when the kids are playing in the street. But, in general, our neighborhood is pretty quiet with one notable exception: the teenage punk with the drum set.

About 5 houses down the block from us lives a kid who apparently aspires to be the next Tommy Lee. The first time I heard this kid and his no-talent band mates making noise was in the summer. I was in the backyard in the early evening hours serenely enjoying a glass of wine and a Jack Reacher novel. I assumed at the time that the practice session that I was unfortunate enough to witness was a one-time occurrence. I mean, it’s a quiet street and I would think that the other residents on this street would object to obscenely loud noises. But I was wrong.

Over the past several months I have heard this kid “playing” the drums on his own or in the company of his fellow aspiring musicians at least once a week. They are not improving their skills with practice that is for sure. I have been tempted to walk down the street and complain to him and/or his parents. But I have not done so yet because I had hoped that someone else, maybe someone who lives next door to this kid for instance, would complain. My husband and I don’t really know the lay of the land politically in our neighborhood so we would rather not introduce ourselves as “The Complainers”. As far as I can tell no one else has talked to the family about the crazy-loud practice sessions. The question is: why?

We have a homeowner’s association (HOA) so a logical step would be to write to them about the little pest. As newcomers to the neighborhood we wonder if there is something we don’t know about this kid and his family that protects him from neighbor’s complaints and police intervention. Is his mom the President of the HOA? Is his dad “connected” if you know what I mean? Maybe they are in the witness protection program and are allowed to do whatever they want as long as they show up to testify?

I don’t know what the deal is with this kid yet but I am starting an investigation as soon as possible. I plan to quiz the neighbors I have met about this situation. The only problem is that I don’t feel that I know any of my neighbors well enough to go knock on a door and ask, “Hey, have you complained about the stupid punk with the drums yet?” No, I am going to have to wait until I see a neighbor on the street and then I will have to strike up a conversation about the weather or something and then work in a question about the kid with the drums.

What about this kid’s parents? Don’t the drums bother them? Don’t they care that their kid is bothering their neighbors? Believe me I am going to get to the bottom of this. I hope that once I figure out what to do about this situation that I don’t become known as the cranky neighbor that everyone hates because they complain all the time. But I really want that kid to quit playing the drums in our neighborhood. The saga continues……

I Love Martinis

I was just reviewing my list of possible blog topics from yesterday and considering which of the thought provoking topics is most blog-worthy today. But then I realized that what I am really most passionate about at the moment is the tasty beverage that I am consuming as I write this post. I am drinking a dry Tito's vodka martini straight up and I love it.

Tito's vodka is made in Austin, Texas, not an area of the world normally associated with premium vodka. http://www.titos-vodka.com/ You have to taste Tito's to believe how good it is. When we moved to Austin two years ago I was strictly a Grey Goose (or maybe Absolute or Kettle One in an emergency) gal. I remember that the first time I tasted Tito's was at a comfort food restaurant called Hoover's here in Austin. I was waiting at the bar for some take out and got to talking to the bartender about vodka. He gave me a taste of Tito's and I was hooked. Tito's has a lovely flavor and smooth finish and I have been drinking Tito's ever since my first taste.

It's smooth, great tasting, and much less expensive than other premium brands. At least in Austin it is. I purchased some Tito's in Chicago and it was pretty much the same price as Stolichnaya or Absolute. If you are hankering for a martini I would recommend that you give Tito's a try. It's delicious and I plan on drinking at least two (well maybe three) of them tonight!

James Bond Movie Marathons Are Awesome

I love James Bond movies. Even more than the individual movies, I love TNT's James Bond marathons. It feels so decadent to be able to watch a Bond flick anytime you turn on the TV. Right now License to Kill is on. It is a decent movie but it's not one of my favorites so I am flipping back and forth between Timothy Dalton as Bond and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I look forward to one day seeing a Harry Potter marathon when they have finished making all the movies.

The most recent James Bond film, Casino Royale, was fantastic and I look forward to its eventual inclusion in Bond marathons. I am sure that all those people who put up anti-Daniel Craig websites feel like idiots now. Daniel Craig is one of the best Bonds ever. I love movies in which the good guy wins in the end and most of the bad guys wind up dead or in jail. Bond never disappoints.