Nigel Terrorizes A Whole House

(Aw, look how cute and harmless Nigel looks. Don't be fooled. He is very harmful)

Well Nigel is at it again. He woke me up at 3 am the night before last either because he wanted to play or he wanted food. I am trying to "get tough" with Nigel so I have placed a squirt bottle filled with water next to my bed. I also got a night light because I realized that our room was too dark for me to squirt him in the middle of the night with any accuracy. The plan is to squirt
Nigel with the water anytime he wakes us up before 7 am. It's not going well.

The first problem with my new "Get Tough Plan" is that while Nigel doesn't really like getting squirted with water he doesn't seem to mind all that much either. In other words squirting him isn't the disincentive you would think it would be. In fact, I think he thinks the squirt bottle is a game because now whenever he decides to wake me he makes some noise and immediately sprints out the door before I can squirt him. I must admit my aim isn't that great when I first wake up either.

Another problem is that Nigel is very resilient. One morning I actually managed to squirt him right in the chest with the water bottle and he left the room. I thought he had finally learned his lesson and would spend the rest of the morning cowering in fear of the squirt bottle. Just as I was drifting off to sleep while basking in the glow of my perceived dominance over this 10-pound demon, he came back and with a vengance. He clawed the soles of my feet and made so much noise that I had no choice but to get up and feed him to make him go away.

The third problem is that Nigel has figured out that no matter what I do to him, if he just keeps harassing me I will eventually get up. What pisses me off is that he doesn't necessarily eat the food when I get up and feed him! I think the little bastard just doesn't want anyone else to sleep when he isn't sleeping. It's just plain mean.

This morning at about 3 am when Nigel decided I should wake up I just stormed upstairs to the guest bedroom to try to sleep there. I did not stop on the way and feed him either. I must not have shut the door all the way because I woke up 3 hours later to find Nigel sleeping peacefully on my legs. When he is asleep he looks so precious and sweet that no one could wish him any harm. And that is part of his overall evilness. You get sucked in to this feeling of affection for him and then when you are minding your own business (sleeping) he does something mean.

I don't know what to do. I just want to get a good night's sleep for once. We can't lock him out of the bedroom because (a) his litterbox is in our bathroom, and (b) we tried it one time and he literally ripped up the carpet under the door when he tried to dig his way in. I recall when Nigel came into our lives, he was this adorable little lost kitten and we wanted to give him the best of everything. Now I think he was like a little demon who was sent to us from Hell to ingratiate himself into our lives and then wreak havoc and make unreasonable demands.

Oh, and did I mention that when he wants to he can scare both of our dogs with his meanness and wayward claws.

Look how cute he was at 7 weeks old....who could say no to that little guy?

The Punk Who Plays the Drums in His Garage Down the Street from My House

My husband and I live on a relatively quiet street all things considered. There seem to be a lot of families with kids who live on our street and our neighbors tend to keep to themselves. We moved in about a year and a half ago and we have only met a handful of our neighbors which, I suppose, is fine with us. We live a pretty quiet life and keep to ourselves too so it works out OK.

We moved to Austin from Chicago and compared to the almost constant noise of a big city (sirens, loud car stereos, screaming drunks, demented raving) our neighborhood is downright sleepy. With kids living on the block there is a certain amount of noise when school lets out and when the kids are playing in the street. But, in general, our neighborhood is pretty quiet with one notable exception: the teenage punk with the drum set.

About 5 houses down the block from us lives a kid who apparently aspires to be the next Tommy Lee. The first time I heard this kid and his no-talent band mates making noise was in the summer. I was in the backyard in the early evening hours serenely enjoying a glass of wine and a Jack Reacher novel. I assumed at the time that the practice session that I was unfortunate enough to witness was a one-time occurrence. I mean, it’s a quiet street and I would think that the other residents on this street would object to obscenely loud noises. But I was wrong.

Over the past several months I have heard this kid “playing” the drums on his own or in the company of his fellow aspiring musicians at least once a week. They are not improving their skills with practice that is for sure. I have been tempted to walk down the street and complain to him and/or his parents. But I have not done so yet because I had hoped that someone else, maybe someone who lives next door to this kid for instance, would complain. My husband and I don’t really know the lay of the land politically in our neighborhood so we would rather not introduce ourselves as “The Complainers”. As far as I can tell no one else has talked to the family about the crazy-loud practice sessions. The question is: why?

We have a homeowner’s association (HOA) so a logical step would be to write to them about the little pest. As newcomers to the neighborhood we wonder if there is something we don’t know about this kid and his family that protects him from neighbor’s complaints and police intervention. Is his mom the President of the HOA? Is his dad “connected” if you know what I mean? Maybe they are in the witness protection program and are allowed to do whatever they want as long as they show up to testify?

I don’t know what the deal is with this kid yet but I am starting an investigation as soon as possible. I plan to quiz the neighbors I have met about this situation. The only problem is that I don’t feel that I know any of my neighbors well enough to go knock on a door and ask, “Hey, have you complained about the stupid punk with the drums yet?” No, I am going to have to wait until I see a neighbor on the street and then I will have to strike up a conversation about the weather or something and then work in a question about the kid with the drums.

What about this kid’s parents? Don’t the drums bother them? Don’t they care that their kid is bothering their neighbors? Believe me I am going to get to the bottom of this. I hope that once I figure out what to do about this situation that I don’t become known as the cranky neighbor that everyone hates because they complain all the time. But I really want that kid to quit playing the drums in our neighborhood. The saga continues……