Monday, April 9, 2007

WTF? Candy Spelling Writes A Letter to Larry Birkhead


Candy Spelling's House


Candy Spelling

It's just so hard to know where to start with this one. All I can say is WTF??!! Why would Candy Spelling, widow of uber-TV-producer Aaron Spelling, write a letter to a guy she doesn't even know and post it on TMZ? This makes even less sense than Paris Hilton's whole life.

Candy doesn't need the publicity since she is way more famous than Birkhead and she has more money than God. In fact I always thought that Candy Spelling was a bit of a recluse who didn't even want the media spotlight on her. This letter is so retarded too. I am sure that Larry Birkhead was really looking for Candy's opinion of his hairstyle. What a weirdo.
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With the DNA results in the Anna Nicole Smith paternity case set to be revealed tomorrow, Candy Spelling, one of Hollywood's most noTORIous mothers, has come exclusively to TMZ to offer Larry Birkhead advice on everything from handling fame, to mitigating exorbitant lawyer fees -- even personal grooming!

Check out Candy's letter:

Dear Larry:

As the court appearance that will change your life approaches, I am stepping into my role as a celebrity-by-association to share some experiences with you.

1) The hair, Larry: Most of the time, your hair looks great, and I'm sure you spend a lot of time getting it right. Just be warned that you might look good every day for a month. But the one day you leave in a hurry and don't pay enough attention, or you get a little wild with an untested new style -- photos will be taken that will haunt you forever.

ebay logo2) Fans/autograph seekers: Hollywood lives in fear of being yesterday's celebrity and ending up with an autograph languishing on eBay for days with no bids. If people want many copies, if they don't want you to personalize it, and/or they ask for Anna Nicole's name as part of your signature, nicely decline. If you slip and do see your autograph on sale, have a good friend bid more than 99 cents to buy it.

3) The lawyers: You've already found out that you have turned from man to cash machine. Lawyers aren't the only ones who will see you that way, especially if you are Dannielynn's biological father. The good news is that someone who presents you with a bill for $620,492.84 must think you have a good case. The bad news is that you will need more lawyers to fight the legal bills. My advice: Negotiate in advance, and put in a clause against expenses for lawyers, spouses, meals or laundry.

I wish you success in court on Tuesday, but beware: There's never enough preparation for "celebrity." I'll never get used to tour buses and cameras outside my house every day, reporters analyzing my grocery choices, and bloggers pretending to know more about my family than I do; but I do have a good life. Yours can be, too. Just remember that celebrity and/or money mean that nothing will ever be the same -- and act accordingly.

All the best,

Candy Spelling

1 comment:

Jonathan said...

No idea why she would post the letter publicly instead of just sending it out. Maybe she's "yesterday's" celebrity as she mentioned and wants to get back in the spotlight.

On the other hand, the advice about lawyers and autographs is pretty good. Next time I sleep with a celebrity, father her child (we'll know for sure on Tuesay), and decide to sue for paternity I'll remember the tips. In other words, I'll never remember them.