Sons of Hollywood, I Mean Loserville.

As a frequent viewer of reality TV shows like Hogan Knows Best, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and Work Out I am used to watching vacuous and shallow people perform the mundane tasks and endure the non-stop quasi-drama that comprise their daily lives. I have a great tolerance for dumb TV shows. In fact I used to watch the Anna Nicole Smith Show (possibly the dumbest show with the dumbest star of all time)...may she rest in peace. With that said, I have to say that I have never ever in my whole life seen a show as pointless, depressing, and inane as the new A&E "reality" show called Sons of Hollywood.

Maybe I am not ready for male celebutards yet. Seeing Paris, Lindsey, and Britney in the media has increased my tolerance for watching stupid slutty chicks flash their crotches in public while screaming obscenities at each other. It doesn't faze me anymore...it's all in a days TV watching. But to watch 3 stupid and not-even-good- looking guys run around naked (yes, one of them does), primp in the mirror, get hammered in clubs, drive fancy cars, and get into fights with each other just made me bored and kind of depressed.

The three "stars" (who coincidentally are all producers of this train wreck) of Sons of Hollywood are: Randy Spelling (son of Aaron Spelling), Sean Stewart (son of Rod Stewart), and David Weintraub whose dad isn't famous at all. First of all, I didn't even know that Rod Stewart had a son and if Rod was watching the show last night I am certain that he will disown that little spawn of Satan faster than you can say "your trust fund is cut off and I changed the locks you little bastard".

Frankly, I was happier when I had never heard of Sean Stewart. I think that watching him for an hour actually lowered my IQ by a few points. This moron had his clothes off for at least half of the show for no reason at all and he's not even good looking. That is right...he was chasing his roommates around their house naked. Oh yeah, did I mention that these 3 are roommates? Sean seems to have serious anger issues and a tendency to start fights with his roommates for no reason. He is recently out of rehab. Shocker. He also has no talent for anything except pants-dropping although the show claims that he is an aspiring rock star. In fact he says he will be an even bigger star than his dad. Uh huh. Yeah, right. I'm holding my breath for that CD to drop. Tickets to his concerts (if he ever has any) may be in as much demand as tix to a Kevin Federline concert.

On to loser #2. Randy Spelling actually seems like the only semi-decent human being of the bunch. But that is like saying that pizza tastes better than dog poo. The bar isn't set real high in the decency department with this crew. During both of the first two episodes (30 mins each) that premiered back-to-back Randy deals with the fact that his father, Aaron, is literally on his deathbed. Very sad. But the saddest thing is that at no point does Randy drive across town and visit his dad. He does call him and tell him to eat some food though. I guess that counts as genuine affection in LA.

In the second episode the 3 young rascals head to Vegas for a break from their busy (?) schedule of partying when Randy gets a call from a family friend to tell him that his dad's health has taken a turn for the worse. Do you think that Randy flew right home to be at his dad's side during his last hours on earth? Of course not. But he did stay at the hotel to "get some space" while his buddies wrought havoc on a local golf course (Sean took his shirt off on the course in violation of club rules, that little scamp). I guess taking a break from the party is what passes for love and affection in Hollywood. See what I mean about the show being depressing?!?

The third guy in the crew is David Weintraub who proclaims on the show that Aaron Spelling was the closest thing to a dad that he ever had since his dad wasn't around. (He wasn't in any hurry to visit his dying surrogate dad either.) So, how did this dude get on the show? The title is "Sons of Hollywood" which led me to believe that these were all the pampered offspring of celebrities. Hmm...maybe he put himself on the show because (a) he wants to be famous, and (b) no one else can stand to be around the other two losers, and (c) he is one of the producers. Yeah, that is probably why he is on the show because he isn't from a famous family that is for sure.

I googled Mr. Weintraub and found out that he is the only one of the goofball trio to spend any money on an education. He graduated from USC and he works as a talent agent for some sketchy agency with a crappy website. On the show he pronounces that he is a "cutthroat mo-fo and that he MAKES careers for his clients". As far as I can tell his only clients are Randy and Sean and their only project is this stupid show. Of course he drives a really nice car so that we will all be impressed by his success.

David seems to be the voice of reason(ish) in the group. For example, when Sean goes into a pointless rage over nothing and starts throwing food at Randy during a nice dinner in Las Vegas David plays peace maker. Sort of. The solution to the problem is for Randy to go back to their room (penthouse suite at the Palms of course) and after he leaves David says to Sean, "Sean, calm down, what did he do to upset you?" WTF? That kind of reasoning is what caused Sean to become the worthless coked-up monster that he is. His parents probably let him get away with tantrums all the time. He needs a beat down in a huge way.

I would pay to watch an actual manly guy (or maybe Snoop Dogg or 50 Cent) bitch slap that little shit. In fact that is the only way I will watch this show again: if Sean Stewart is beaten to a pulp on live TV. Or maybe dropped into boiling oil. Ooh..that is a good one. Or maybe he could be forced to have sex with Paris Hilton and Courtney Love together and then dipped in honey and thrown into the polar bear pit at the zoo.

Wait, that wouldn't be fair to the poor bears. Well I will have to think of a fitting penalty for that little punk. Any ideas? The truth is that my life will be happier and more full of joy if I never lay eyes on any of those guys again. The show sucks. Don't waste your time.