My New Favorite Show: The Phil Specter Trial On Court TV

If you haven't been watching this you have to tune in. Phil Specter is SO guilty. Check it out:

He goes out drinking to several bars and restaurants during the course of an evening in LA. Picks up a chick at about 2 am. They go back to his place. His driver, waiting outside his house in the car, sees Specter run out of the house with blood all over his hands while screaming, "I think I killed someone". The driver calls the police who arrive to find the chick (Lana Clarkson is her name) dead with her face blown off with a handgun. Specter didn't call the cops himself but, instead, tried to clean up the crime scene and was beligerant with the cops.

Specter's "defense" is that Lana, a stunning woman whom he had just met, decided at that moment in his home to commit suicide. Yeah right. And I am the Easter bunny. It turns out that she was drunk and had taken a Vicotin too so it's even possible she was asleep when she was killed.

Oh I almost forgot: Specter has a history of getting drunk and crazy-mean and brandishing guns at people. Many times he has done this in public places like parties and at recording studios. Apparently he even pointed his gun and peace-loving John Lennon one time. Now that is a class act. It's amusing to watch as women get on the stand and talk about how Specter chased them around and threatened them with guns (by guns I mean both handguns and shotguns)while the Court TV people talk about how the jury shouldn't consider his prior bad acts.

Yeah right. This guy has "guilty" written all over him. If he gets off maybe he can room with O.J. somewhere. What an a-hole. I don't understand how this crazy wacked out weirdo has managed to elude prison for as long as he has.

Water vs Wine. You Decide.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop
Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There's no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service.

Who Wants To Have Some Fun?

This Will Farrell video is freaking hillarious!!!

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1754070/

WTF? Candy Spelling Writes A Letter to Larry Birkhead

Candy Spelling's House


Candy Spelling

It's just so hard to know where to start with this one. All I can say is WTF??!! Why would Candy Spelling, widow of uber-TV-producer Aaron Spelling, write a letter to a guy she doesn't even know and post it on TMZ? This makes even less sense than Paris Hilton's whole life.

Candy doesn't need the publicity since she is way more famous than Birkhead and she has more money than God. In fact I always thought that Candy Spelling was a bit of a recluse who didn't even want the media spotlight on her. This letter is so retarded too. I am sure that Larry Birkhead was really looking for Candy's opinion of his hairstyle. What a weirdo.
* * * * *
With the DNA results in the Anna Nicole Smith paternity case set to be revealed tomorrow, Candy Spelling, one of Hollywood's most noTORIous mothers, has come exclusively to TMZ to offer Larry Birkhead advice on everything from handling fame, to mitigating exorbitant lawyer fees -- even personal grooming!

Check out Candy's letter:

Dear Larry:

As the court appearance that will change your life approaches, I am stepping into my role as a celebrity-by-association to share some experiences with you.

1) The hair, Larry: Most of the time, your hair looks great, and I'm sure you spend a lot of time getting it right. Just be warned that you might look good every day for a month. But the one day you leave in a hurry and don't pay enough attention, or you get a little wild with an untested new style -- photos will be taken that will haunt you forever.

ebay logo2) Fans/autograph seekers: Hollywood lives in fear of being yesterday's celebrity and ending up with an autograph languishing on eBay for days with no bids. If people want many copies, if they don't want you to personalize it, and/or they ask for Anna Nicole's name as part of your signature, nicely decline. If you slip and do see your autograph on sale, have a good friend bid more than 99 cents to buy it.

3) The lawyers: You've already found out that you have turned from man to cash machine. Lawyers aren't the only ones who will see you that way, especially if you are Dannielynn's biological father. The good news is that someone who presents you with a bill for $620,492.84 must think you have a good case. The bad news is that you will need more lawyers to fight the legal bills. My advice: Negotiate in advance, and put in a clause against expenses for lawyers, spouses, meals or laundry.

I wish you success in court on Tuesday, but beware: There's never enough preparation for "celebrity." I'll never get used to tour buses and cameras outside my house every day, reporters analyzing my grocery choices, and bloggers pretending to know more about my family than I do; but I do have a good life. Yours can be, too. Just remember that celebrity and/or money mean that nothing will ever be the same -- and act accordingly.

All the best,

Candy Spelling

Thought For The Day: Stupidity

Thought for The Day: Teamwork

Sons of Hollywood, I Mean Loserville.

As a frequent viewer of reality TV shows like Hogan Knows Best, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and Work Out I am used to watching vacuous and shallow people perform the mundane tasks and endure the non-stop quasi-drama that comprise their daily lives. I have a great tolerance for dumb TV shows. In fact I used to watch the Anna Nicole Smith Show (possibly the dumbest show with the dumbest star of all time)...may she rest in peace. With that said, I have to say that I have never ever in my whole life seen a show as pointless, depressing, and inane as the new A&E "reality" show called Sons of Hollywood.

Maybe I am not ready for male celebutards yet. Seeing Paris, Lindsey, and Britney in the media has increased my tolerance for watching stupid slutty chicks flash their crotches in public while screaming obscenities at each other. It doesn't faze me anymore...it's all in a days TV watching. But to watch 3 stupid and not-even-good- looking guys run around naked (yes, one of them does), primp in the mirror, get hammered in clubs, drive fancy cars, and get into fights with each other just made me bored and kind of depressed.

The three "stars" (who coincidentally are all producers of this train wreck) of Sons of Hollywood are: Randy Spelling (son of Aaron Spelling), Sean Stewart (son of Rod Stewart), and David Weintraub whose dad isn't famous at all. First of all, I didn't even know that Rod Stewart had a son and if Rod was watching the show last night I am certain that he will disown that little spawn of Satan faster than you can say "your trust fund is cut off and I changed the locks you little bastard".

Frankly, I was happier when I had never heard of Sean Stewart. I think that watching him for an hour actually lowered my IQ by a few points. This moron had his clothes off for at least half of the show for no reason at all and he's not even good looking. That is right...he was chasing his roommates around their house naked. Oh yeah, did I mention that these 3 are roommates? Sean seems to have serious anger issues and a tendency to start fights with his roommates for no reason. He is recently out of rehab. Shocker. He also has no talent for anything except pants-dropping although the show claims that he is an aspiring rock star. In fact he says he will be an even bigger star than his dad. Uh huh. Yeah, right. I'm holding my breath for that CD to drop. Tickets to his concerts (if he ever has any) may be in as much demand as tix to a Kevin Federline concert.

On to loser #2. Randy Spelling actually seems like the only semi-decent human being of the bunch. But that is like saying that pizza tastes better than dog poo. The bar isn't set real high in the decency department with this crew. During both of the first two episodes (30 mins each) that premiered back-to-back Randy deals with the fact that his father, Aaron, is literally on his deathbed. Very sad. But the saddest thing is that at no point does Randy drive across town and visit his dad. He does call him and tell him to eat some food though. I guess that counts as genuine affection in LA.

In the second episode the 3 young rascals head to Vegas for a break from their busy (?) schedule of partying when Randy gets a call from a family friend to tell him that his dad's health has taken a turn for the worse. Do you think that Randy flew right home to be at his dad's side during his last hours on earth? Of course not. But he did stay at the hotel to "get some space" while his buddies wrought havoc on a local golf course (Sean took his shirt off on the course in violation of club rules, that little scamp). I guess taking a break from the party is what passes for love and affection in Hollywood. See what I mean about the show being depressing?!?

The third guy in the crew is David Weintraub who proclaims on the show that Aaron Spelling was the closest thing to a dad that he ever had since his dad wasn't around. (He wasn't in any hurry to visit his dying surrogate dad either.) So, how did this dude get on the show? The title is "Sons of Hollywood" which led me to believe that these were all the pampered offspring of celebrities. Hmm...maybe he put himself on the show because (a) he wants to be famous, and (b) no one else can stand to be around the other two losers, and (c) he is one of the producers. Yeah, that is probably why he is on the show because he isn't from a famous family that is for sure.

I googled Mr. Weintraub and found out that he is the only one of the goofball trio to spend any money on an education. He graduated from USC and he works as a talent agent for some sketchy agency with a crappy website. On the show he pronounces that he is a "cutthroat mo-fo and that he MAKES careers for his clients". As far as I can tell his only clients are Randy and Sean and their only project is this stupid show. Of course he drives a really nice car so that we will all be impressed by his success.

David seems to be the voice of reason(ish) in the group. For example, when Sean goes into a pointless rage over nothing and starts throwing food at Randy during a nice dinner in Las Vegas David plays peace maker. Sort of. The solution to the problem is for Randy to go back to their room (penthouse suite at the Palms of course) and after he leaves David says to Sean, "Sean, calm down, what did he do to upset you?" WTF? That kind of reasoning is what caused Sean to become the worthless coked-up monster that he is. His parents probably let him get away with tantrums all the time. He needs a beat down in a huge way.

I would pay to watch an actual manly guy (or maybe Snoop Dogg or 50 Cent) bitch slap that little shit. In fact that is the only way I will watch this show again: if Sean Stewart is beaten to a pulp on live TV. Or maybe dropped into boiling oil. Ooh..that is a good one. Or maybe he could be forced to have sex with Paris Hilton and Courtney Love together and then dipped in honey and thrown into the polar bear pit at the zoo.

Wait, that wouldn't be fair to the poor bears. Well I will have to think of a fitting penalty for that little punk. Any ideas? The truth is that my life will be happier and more full of joy if I never lay eyes on any of those guys again. The show sucks. Don't waste your time.

Silly Joke

Happy April Fools Day!

Invest Wisely (This One Is For Matt)

Remember this one as you are planning your future . . .

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year go, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $0 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00 remaining.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.