Is Lindsay Lohan An Alcoholic or Just A Fun Loving Scamp?

Recently there has been a lot of media coverage of Lindsay Lohan's (LiLo) most recent drunken car crash. Actually there is pretty much non-stop of media coverage (by coverage, I mean obsession) of Lilo's non-stop partying, drug taking, temper tantrum throwing, drunk driving, screaming fits, public crotch flashing, and generally classy behavior. For the past two nights the "charming", and by "charming" I really mean terrifying, Nancy Grace has dedicated her entire program on Fox to discussing LiLo and her issues.

Ms. Grace isn't the only "journalist" who has devoted a crazy amount of airtime to discussing LiLo and her problems which I think is nuts considering everything else that is going on in the world. I guess with the demise of Anna Nicole the talking heads have to fill that void with another trainwreck and LiLi fits the bill.

Ms. Grace has trotted out various experts who all seem to agree that LiLo has a serious drinking and drug problem. Some of them even think that her behaviour will lead to death if she doesn't immediately get the serious help that only full time rehab can offer. I love the drama and terror that these folks bring to the discussion. My favorite "expert" was the woman from MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) who thinks that LiLo should be charged with attempted murder for driving her car while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. Apparently this woman from MADD thinks you can get nominated for an Oscar for Best Dramatic Performance on a News Show. I hope no one tells her that category doesn't exist because then she might tone down her crazy rhetoric which I thought was hillarious.

Here is what I think: most 20-somethings that I knew back when I was in my 20's were drunk every chance they got. I didn't know anyone who did drugs but we all drank like fish at least 4 nights a week. The main differences between us and someone like LiLo were (a) we didn't drink and drive because we lived in a city where you take cabs to get around, (b) the paparazzi didn't follow us around, (c) cell phone cameras hadn't been invented yet (thank god), (d) we had 9-5 jobs instead of jobs where you work for a few months and then get several months off so we had to be sober all day during the week, and (e) we didn't have as much money to buy drinks with as LiLo does.

I don't think LiLo is an alcholic or even a drug addict. I think she is a classless and troubled idiot who should try to wear underpants more often and engage in fewer public fights. Also she might consider some kind of education so that when the media reads and publishes her blackberry messages and excerpts from her MySpace page she won't look like a retarded chimp who types with boxing gloves on. What she really needs is a full time chaperone or maybe a babysitter. Instead she has a mom/pimp who whores her daughter out for the money and fame that it affords her. I would be sympathetic to her if there weren't actual needy people in the world who would kill to have the money an opportunity that this moron wastes every day.

Indifference

Battle of the Morons - Candy Spelling vs Joe Francis

Read these two letters and tell me that these two idiots don't deserve to snipe at each other. Good grief.

Letter to imprisoned "Girls Gone Wild Creator" Joe Francis from Aaron Spelling's widow Candy Spelling who, apparently has too much time on her hands these days.

Dear Joe,

As the headlines about you changed -- to scream "imprisoned" and "U.S. marshals" instead of "filmmaker" and "entrepreneur," you respond by crying, wailing and seeing yourself as a victim. Bad move. Today's headlines call you a "crybaby."

You blew it, Joe. Instead of jumping from party to party, you're being shuffled from one prison to another. And no one feels sorry for you. The flatterers and entourages have moved on. They have short attention spans. They're hanging on to someone else and will take advantage of the new "temp celebrity" as long as it lasts.

The only redeeming factor is reading that you have been calling home every day from prison. When things are looking bleak, it sounds like you've found that you can get some perspective from the reliable people at home. Maybe you're realizing these are the only people who really care about you.

Your world has changed, and you're the poster boy for what can happen when boys go wild. Your every move and every emotion are still being reported, but not the way you want. It's time for some dignity. At least it might prevent you from being forever defined as a crybaby.

Sincerely,

Candy Spelling

Joe Francis has fired back at Candy Spelling for the open letter posted this morning on TMZ.com Francis is currently in Federal custody. Spelling's letter was read to Francis this morning by phone. Francis tells TMZ he wrote the response himself.

Dear Candy:

I don't know you, I have never met you and I don't know anything about you. After reading your letter posted on the internet, my mental picture of you is of a lonely old woman living in a mansion in Holmby Hills with let's say 300 cats jumping around, some in their own feces.

I have tried to think to myself what would compel a woman such as yourself to write a letter to someone they have never met? Even worse, you are making up your mind based on headlines. I can understand you writing Paris Hilton a letter out of care because as you said in your letter, you have known her most of her life. Then again, it's sad and pathetic you had the audacity to post that letter on the internet instead of just sending it to Paris personally.

Candy, you don't know any of the facts concerning my situation. I am a hardworking, compassionate and honest person. I will prevail just as I have in the past because overcoming adversity is not only a part of the entrepreneurial experience but a part of life. You should appreciate this and know this more than anyone and I am ashamed of you for forgetting how hard it is to make it in this world and the people who would love to tear you down because you have. Sadly, it appears you have become one of those people.

Contrary to what you have said in your letter, my world has not changed. My business Girls Gone Wild is thriving and posted record sales last month. Most important, my friends and my family (I love you guys....) have stood by me. This whole situation will be over soon and I will be standing strong.

I have never played a victim but I have always been a fighter. I will ultimately prevail in the matters at hand but I am concerned that you will die a lonely and unfulfilled person playing with those cats and posting open letters to people you have never met on the internet.

Sincerely,

Joe Francis